Saturday, January 30, 2010

Not Enough

"If in dealing with one who does not respond, I weary of the strain, and slip from under the burden then I know nothing of Calvary love."
Amy Carmichael

Given my tendency to tackle challenges head-on, as soon as God revealed His focus for my life this year, my first thought was, "Ok, where do I start? Let's get going!" And I proceeded to busy myself looking for the "logical" place to begin to explore the deeper, self-sacrificing love that God showed me through His Son.

However, it wasn't long before the Holy Spirit whispered,, I think this time He shouted, "Kathi, I will show you were to begin!" It was then I discovered that before I could even begin to learn anything of real substance about the kind of love God is calling me to I have come face-to-face with the fact that I do not, can not love...enough.

I must confess that this is not a lesson I thought I needed to learn! You see, I am a "touchy, feely" kind of person who loves (pun intended) and enjoys giving both love and grace. I thought I had the whole loving the unloveable covered. Let's move on to the next lesson! But God said, "Let's put that to the test." Keep in mind that when God tests us it is not for Him to learn more about us but rather to teach us more about - us.

Over the past two weeks I have been confronted by person after person, situation after situation where I cannot remain neutral. I must choose to love or not, there is no middle ground. And if I choose to love I know at the outset that I have no realistic expectation to be loved in return. My heart says, "I want to love, that is part of who I am." My head says, "I feel like I'm getting beat up. Why would I love when I get only pain in return?" The answer to this question is less about us and more about Jesus. And reconciling this dilemna is the foundational challenge that I, in fact all of us at one time or another must tackle if we truly desire to learn more about love.

So, before I can move on to other lessons I must come to the undeniable realization that, without Christ, my love is simply...not enough.
Dare we move on to the next lesson?

1 comment:

Butterfly Studios said...

kathi, I once read a quote of Spurgeon's that said "Love stands before a fault with a finger to her lips." It never forgot it. The most difficult part of this love lesson is to stand back and allow God to work in those who don't love us in return - all the while loving them unconditionally, ourselves, as Jesus would have us do. He is our instructor and we learn to follow the Lamb and walk in the way of His holy Word. Very challenging indeed. sister, but worth every minute of learning.