My Baby's In Heaven?

"...I will go to him, but he will not return to me."

King David in II Samuel 12:2-23

I have discovered, sometimes painfully, that I am normal! I am not special or extra-ordinary and I do not stand out in a crowd. Of course, I am special to God, He is "especially fond" of all His kids but from an earthly perspective...I am average.

I find it necessary to point that out because I suspect that moms and dads who have lost a baby are just like me - normal. You see, when we lost our precious baby, Peanut, I adamantly expressed by belief that he is in heaven, in the presence of God. But somewhere deep down inside me I wondered...and prayed, "Dear God, please let that be so. Please somehow confirm that for me."

Thankfully our God is faithful, He both hears and answers our prayers. And our grief breaks His heart. So, when I was ready to receive it, God brought to me a story found in the Old Testament of the Bible in II Samuel 12. Here we learn that David sinned by having an affair with Bathsheba, having Bathsheba's husband murdered, and their union resulted in a pregnancy. Later the prophet Nathan informed David that his son would not live and immediately the child fell ill.

David tore his clothes, fasted, and prayed that God would spare his son but the infant died. When that happened David picked himself up off the ground, literally, cleaned up, ate, and went into the temple to worship God. Of course, the king's closest attendants were baffled by his behavior and questioned him. Here was his response, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, 'Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.' But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me." II Samuel 12:22-23 (emphasis mine)

God in His loving kindness to parents for generations to come recorded David's loss so that we do not have to wonder. We can know that we know that we know that our precious babies are just fine waiting for us to join them in heaven! We only need to accept Jesus' free gift of salvation.

On October 25,1988 President Reagan and the United States Congress declared October to be National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and October 15th has been specifically set aside to remember our sweet children. My prayer for every mother, father, and family member who have lost a baby is that you would be filled with comfort and peace, as you remember you child this month, knowing that he or she is safe in our Father's arms and enjoying His presence!

God's Hands and Feet

Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Beloved, now we are children of God...

I John 3:1a, 2a

Forgive me for saying so, but I enjoyed having my quiet time with God at the edge of the ocean in South Carolina this morning. Please know that I do not share that to boast or envoke envy, it really is paramount to what God spoke to my heart today!

As I sat on the beach my attention was drawn to a young father standing about 30 to 40 yards in the ocean holding his toddler in his arms. The dad was standing with his back to the breaking waves so as to shelter his precious son. To be sure, the lad did get wet but there is no way that young child could have been that far out in the ocean without his father's protection.

Watching the scene made me realize that spiritually I am that little boy! Sometimes life breaks on me, on us all, with the force of monster waves. Yes, we do feel the impact of the attacks but our Shelter is sure.

Then an interesting paradox hit me: on the earthly plane I am also the boy's father. God has called us to love and shelter our spiritual family and our human family alike. Being a part of a family does have its privileges but it also has its responsibilities. Some of us are called to go and do, others, especially those with physical limitations; to stay and pray. The important thing is that we are all called to love.

As we relish our sheltered position as children of God, may we boldly step out and be God's hands and feet to the world.

Restriction vs Freedom

The end of law is not to abolish or restrain, but to preserve and enlarge freedom. For in all the states of created beings capable of law, where there is no law, there is no freedom.

-John Locke

A few weeks ago I had the delightful burden of creating a website for my book. It was delightful because, after many hours of working on it, it worked! It was a burden because it took many hours!

I actually discovered that the longest and hardest part of the process was that I had to learn the "hoops" through which the web hosting service wanted me to jump. In my only mildly trained computer mind not all of those hoops were logical. And so, I would try it the way I thought the program should respond, when that didn't work I would alter one of the steps and try it again. Right around the fifth to tenth try I would finally stumble onto the proper sequence. This process would take around an hour or so and then I would repeat the chore on a different page doing a different task.

I found the process to be quite grueling, that is, until I discovered all the various pathways and hoops. It was at that point that I realized that I could accomplish my mission in a relatively short period of time now that I knew the process. What a shame I only needed one website!

Just a few days before this experience I had the pleasure of hearing a young pastor expound on the lament of the present generation that Christianity is too restrictive. It only offers one way to heaven. His words stuck with me as closely as my own name, "If you remove a fish from the restrictive environment of water, you do not give it more freedom, you give it death." The restrictions God places on us actually provide freedom for us!

The restrictions, or hoops, I ran into while creating the website provided great freedom (and even joy!) once I uncovered what was required. It is not until we feel the restrictive power of physical pain that we truly appreciate life without pain. Storms make sunshine brighter. The loss of a loved one teaches us to cherish those with us more. Struggles magnify triumphs. I have found this concept to be true in every area of life: politics, health, finances, relationships, the law, religion, education - you name it.

Our restrictions are actually a result of our flawed human nature and ignoring or refusing to acknowledge those restrictions only leads to pain and even death. But knowing the Truth offers freedom and life. May each of us find the freedom in our difficult circumstances and, like fish, swim to our hearts' content!

P.S. The address for my website is: http://ourbabyourloveourloss.viviti.com/ I would appreciate you stopping by! Kathi

But I'm Unqualified!

I'm unqualified for anything else. I'm barely qualified for this.

- Catherine Keener

Recently I've been studying the life of King David and today came to the moment he became king of the entire Hebrew nation. At this point he had been king over Judah for several years, but finally he realized the fullness of his calling - somewhere around 15 years after he was called!

Then I was reminded that he had been a lowly shepherd boy when he was called. Beth Moore, the author of, "A Heart Like His - Intimate Reflections on the life of David," reminded me that God did not call David in spite of the fact that he was a shepherd, rather because of it. In 2 Samuel 5:2 we read, " The Lord said to you, 'You will shepherd my people Israel, and you will become their leader.'"

I've shared several times that I not only feel unqualified for the calling God has put on my heart, I am severely unqualified. This confuses me and causes me to doubt myself. I don't doubt God but I do sometimes doubt if I've heard from Him what I think I did. It's at those times the Holy Spirit brings to my remembrance the things that I know about God - He loves and uses those who are weak and lowly, so the He will be lifted up.

If you a parent who has lost a baby, maybe several babies, and God is calling you to something, I would encourage you to ask God to help you take your spiritual eyes off yourself and your limitations and think about the things you know to be true about God. After all, it is He who will accomplish His good and perfect will in your life. It often feels like you're climbing an overwhelming mountain, to be sure, but it's really God who is doing the climbing and He's giving you the faith to hang on! I would encourage you to read Psalm 18 to remember who God is and what you mean to Him.

Life Well Lived

The most important things in life are not things.

- Anthony J. D'Angelo

In the last week I have been moved by learning that three incredibly brave souls finished their fight here on earth; two missionary pilots in Kenya and my son's mother-in-love. Their loss leaves a heavy sadness on those who love them, but the mark they've left on the world around them is a cause for celebration. Any life that touches and changes other lives is a life well lived. May we follow their example.

So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal has put on immortality, than should be brought to pass the saying that has been written: "Death has been swallowed up in victory. O Death, where is your sting? O Hades, where is your victory?"

I Corinthians 15: 54-55 (NKJV)

When it's all been said and done

There is just one thing that matters

Did I do my best to live for truth?

Did I live my life for You?

When it's all been said and done

All my treasures will mean nothing

Only what I have done

For love's reward

Will stand the test of time

Lord, your mercy is so great

That you look beyond our weakness

That you found purest gold in miry clay

Turning sinners into saints

I will always sing Your praise

Here on earth and in heaven ever after

For you've joined me in my true home

When it's all been said and done

You're my life when life is gone.

- Robin Marks

Making a Difference?

I wanted to change the world. But I have found that

the only thing one can be sure of is changing oneself.

-Aldous Huxley

Please allow me to give you a tour of my little oasis in the middle of life's busy-ness. The patio swing in my front yard provides a quiet, peaceful place outside where I can tune out our high tech world for a short while evey morning to have some one-on-one time with my God. It's really not much in comparison to many yards but it is special to me.

Besides providing respite, I enjoy my yard and garden because of the excitement I feel when something actually grows there! You see, I wouldn't exactly say that I have a "green thumb!" The label, "light gray thumb," would probably be a more accurate description of my gardening talent. That is clearly evidenced by these hanging baskets which were filled with beautiful little white, yellow, and lavender flowers on the day they were purchased. In my own defense I must say that I try, I really do try, to nurture these lovely baskets. But it seems that by mid-July each year my poor baskets make me wonder if it might be an act of kindness to put them out of their misery!

This morning as I was having my devotional time something caught my attention and just wouldn't let go! In fact, I had to get up from the swing to get a closer look...sure enough; some buds from the baskets had fallen onto the ground, taken root, and were blossoming! Even though my baskets have seen better days, their flowers had given of themselves and made a difference in the much larger and already blossoming garden.

As I looked with amazement at these flowers I felt tears welling up in my eyes. How many of us have felt like those hanging baskets look - standing alone, hardly worth noticing, not making much of a difference in the world around us? But God desires to take the little that we have to offer and breathe His Holy Spirit into it to touch and even change someone near us, maybe even someone we would consider to be lavishly florishing without our influence.

Like these poor baskets, may we obstinately refuse to give up in the face of discouragement. Sometimes appearances really are deceiving!

The Birth of a Ministry

Cast your bread upon the waters, For you will find it after many days.
Ecclesiastes 11:1

As a child God called me to the mission field. A few years after that He gave me Ecclesiastes 11:1 as a reminder of that call. Thirty years later I found that verse printed on a devotional card tucked away in an obscure place in my house. And yet another five years passed when my husband and I received the letter we had waited for: on June 9, 2009 Touching Lives Ministry was awarded tax-exempt status as a non-profit ministry. Over the years God has proven Himself faithful to keep His calling alive and to finish what He started. By God’s grace, after many days that vision is being realized!

As we take baby steps forward we would appreciate the prayers of those who have a heart for the lost and poor around the world in the following areas:

· We believe that God may be leading us to open our

first medical clinic in the slums of Kenya

· We are still in need of a website

· Wisdom regarding fund-raising

· That God would continue to put our book, Our Baby, Our Love, Our Loss into the hands of couples grieving the loss of a baby

· Above all, that God will be glorified and lives would be changed through this ministry.

Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe